Have you ever heard a song - one that maybe you heard a million times before but then one day you hear it and you just connect to it on a whole other level. Like the lyrical content and the music is the chicken noodle soup that you need to comfort yourself and heal even though it doesn't have any scientific medical purpose...it just makes everything feel better. Music feeds my soul like that. Maybe I am just too deep. Oh well, that is how I am though. I've accepted it.
Anyways, some strange events have been and are unfolding in my life and I almost feel like it is divine intervention. It is almost like a dogmatic serendipitous awakening...even though it feels soul crushing and it is the ultimate source of absolute personalized chagrin. At the same time though there is this ultimate peace, tranquility and hope because I know I am learning exactly what I was supposed too in the wake of this true acceptance, they always say God works in such mysterious ways.
It could just be the medication I am on for my anxiety and now I can actually think clearly and can focus and reflect without feeling like I am walking through this blinding fog that induces confusion and hopelessness. It very well could be, this could be a classic text book human psychological reaction to the circumstances that have occurred as of late and this is my brain making the perceived connection to make logical sense of my humanity and psyche.
Well, that's all above my pay level. Here inside me, I can feel my mind and my heart melding together for the first time in a probably a year. It is wondrous and terrifying but it is happening and all I can do is accept it or be doomed to the insanity of doing the same thing over and over again and wondering WTF. However, I have another 10 hour shift I have to work and won't have much time to ponder upon these new findings. I am sure the urge to ruminate will hit me like a bolt of lightening while I try to sleep tonight. XOXOXO internet world.
10/26/14
Song of the Day: Beautiful Pain featuring Sia + Lyrics
Eminem - Beautiful Pain ft. Sia
[Intro: Eminem and Sia]
I can feel the heat rising
Everything is on fire
Today's a painful reminder of why
We can only get brighter
The further you put it behind ya
And right now I'm on the inside
Looking out, cause
[Hook: Sia]
I'm standing in the flames
And it's a beautiful kind of pain
Setting fire to yesterday
Find a light, find a light, find a light
Standing in the flames
And it's a beautiful kind of pain
Setting fire to yesterday
Find a light, find a light, find a light
[Verse 1:]
Yesterday was the tornado warning, today is like the morning after
Your world is torn in half.
You wake and let's wait to start the morning process
Rebuilding and you're still a work in progress.
Today is a whole new chapter, it's like an enormous ass.
The thunderstorm has passed ya.
Your weather didn't poke his eyes out with the thorn bush that you used to smell the roses.
Stopped to inhale, can't even tell your nose is stuffed.
So focused on the bright side.
Then you floor the gas pedal and hit the corner fast,
The more asserted, never looking back, may hit the curb,
But everyday is a new learning curve as you steer through life.
Sometimes you might not wanna swerve but you have to to avert a disaster.
Lucky, no permanent damage,
'Cause they hurt you so bad.
It's like they murdered your ass and threw dirt on your casket,
But you returned from the ashes.
And that hurt that you have, you just converted to gasoline,
And while you're burning the past, standing at inferno and chant
[Hook: Sia]
[Verse 2:]
So familiarize what having to swallow this pill is like
It happens all the time, they take your heart and steal your life
And it's as though you feel you've died because you've been killed inside
But yet you're still alive which means you will survive
Although today you may weep because you're weak and
Everything seems so bleek and hopeless
The light that you're seeking, it begins to seep in
That's the only thing keeping you from leaping off the motherfreaking deep end
And I'm pulling for you to push through this feeling
And with a little time that should do the healing
And by tomorrow you may even feel so good that you're willing
To forgive them even after all that shit you been put through.
This feeling of resilience is building.
And the flames are burning quick as fire would through this building you're sealed in
But you're fireproof, and flame retardant you withstood it.
And as you climb up to the roof you're just chillin' and you look down
'Cause you're so over them you could put the heel of your foot through the ceiling.
As time passes, things change everyday
But wounds, wounds heal
But scars still remain the same
But tomorrow today's gone down in flames
Throw the match, set the past up ablaze
So feel the fire beneath your feet
As you barely even perspire from the heat
Exhale deep and breathe a sigh of relief
And as you say goodbye to the grief
It's like watching the walls melt in your prison cell
But you've extinguished this living hell
Still a little piece of you dies, you scream
[Hook: Sia]
[Sia:]
I feel the burn, watch the smoke as I turn rising,
A phoenix from the flames
I have learned, from fighting fights, that weren't mine
Not with fists, but with wings that I will fly
[Hook: Sia]
I can feel the heat rising
Everything is on fire
Today's a painful reminder of why
We can only get brighter
The further you put it behind ya
And right now I'm on the inside
Looking out, cause
[Hook: Sia]
I'm standing in the flames
And it's a beautiful kind of pain
Setting fire to yesterday
Find a light, find a light, find a light
Standing in the flames
And it's a beautiful kind of pain
Setting fire to yesterday
Find a light, find a light, find a light
[Verse 1:]
Yesterday was the tornado warning, today is like the morning after
Your world is torn in half.
You wake and let's wait to start the morning process
Rebuilding and you're still a work in progress.
Today is a whole new chapter, it's like an enormous ass.
The thunderstorm has passed ya.
Your weather didn't poke his eyes out with the thorn bush that you used to smell the roses.
Stopped to inhale, can't even tell your nose is stuffed.
So focused on the bright side.
Then you floor the gas pedal and hit the corner fast,
The more asserted, never looking back, may hit the curb,
But everyday is a new learning curve as you steer through life.
Sometimes you might not wanna swerve but you have to to avert a disaster.
Lucky, no permanent damage,
'Cause they hurt you so bad.
It's like they murdered your ass and threw dirt on your casket,
But you returned from the ashes.
And that hurt that you have, you just converted to gasoline,
And while you're burning the past, standing at inferno and chant
[Hook: Sia]
[Verse 2:]
So familiarize what having to swallow this pill is like
It happens all the time, they take your heart and steal your life
And it's as though you feel you've died because you've been killed inside
But yet you're still alive which means you will survive
Although today you may weep because you're weak and
Everything seems so bleek and hopeless
The light that you're seeking, it begins to seep in
That's the only thing keeping you from leaping off the motherfreaking deep end
And I'm pulling for you to push through this feeling
And with a little time that should do the healing
And by tomorrow you may even feel so good that you're willing
To forgive them even after all that shit you been put through.
This feeling of resilience is building.
And the flames are burning quick as fire would through this building you're sealed in
But you're fireproof, and flame retardant you withstood it.
And as you climb up to the roof you're just chillin' and you look down
'Cause you're so over them you could put the heel of your foot through the ceiling.
As time passes, things change everyday
But wounds, wounds heal
But scars still remain the same
But tomorrow today's gone down in flames
Throw the match, set the past up ablaze
So feel the fire beneath your feet
As you barely even perspire from the heat
Exhale deep and breathe a sigh of relief
And as you say goodbye to the grief
It's like watching the walls melt in your prison cell
But you've extinguished this living hell
Still a little piece of you dies, you scream
[Hook: Sia]
[Sia:]
I feel the burn, watch the smoke as I turn rising,
A phoenix from the flames
I have learned, from fighting fights, that weren't mine
Not with fists, but with wings that I will fly
[Hook: Sia]
10/21/14
Song of the Day (EXPLICIT LYRICAL CONTENT)
504 Boys - I Can Tell
Geeez....I wonder what I was thinking about when I first woke up ;) I don't know about you but I personally love looking at that look in their eyes by the way. It's so hot. Anyways, that leads me to not forgetting about the neck, the back, the pussy and the crack XD
Hopefully somewhere out there past internet land someone is getting lucky. I know I am not :(
Khia - My Neck, My Back
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