*Disclaimer - May contain mature content
Dear Diary,
Lovin' me some cheese & tomato sandwiches right now. Other than that my kids are both sick, my Mom is getting a little crazier (still no meds) - not sure what to do about that one, my husband is quitting smoking (I hate to admit it but he is a better man than I because as I am typing away I am puffing away too), probably won't have my tax return back before we head back to the states in Feb (which means we will have to (1) drive down to FL - which doesn't sound fun (2) skip FL - which doesn't sound like fun), and my car is still broke down so we're stuck on post still developing fish bowl complexes as we speak.
On a good note though I am trying to learn Italian, I am going to start working on a BFA in what I want to do (even if I won't end up a millionaire or be able to find a "good" job after the military), my daughter's birthday party is next SAT, my little brother still thinks I am cool enough to ask advise about stuff, and I don't feel like a train hit my body today.
Going to web surf and find something that makes me smile or makes me think and then I am going to work on my Rosetta Stone and then watch supernatural and smallville cuz that is just the type of geek I am =-)
Guess not - I can't even geek out cuz it is all re-runs :-( But vampire diaries and gossip girl is on so it's not too bad. Spending another quiet Sat. home (and babysitting so that other people may go out and have a life). *Sign* - when did we get so boring? When did we become the "dependable" babysitters? Maybe it was the military or having children of my own...maybe it's cuz we're stuck in this country that we don't know, surrounded by people not really worth the invitation for all the extra drama...I dunno, what exactly happened but gone are the days that were. We don't even really drink anymore on the weekends either. Yup, that is how boring we really are.
I kind of miss the HI days - camping on the beach, getting stupid drunk with good friends (shit that was only like nine months ago but it feels like forever ago). Lately, I have been missing the days before I had my children more and more. I keep wondering what a little bump or some e or a coca puff would feel like and I haven't had thoughts about anything like that in over six years (well with the exception of marijuana-I used to be the biggest pothead so every now and again-especially since I joined the military- I will find myself wishing that I could just smoke a fat doubee and eat a chocolate-peanut-butter parfait and just watch the cartoon network). I dropped it all though and walked away without even a second thought (except with pot - ever since I went all straight and narrow I have always missed my ganja but nothing else).
Now, I sit here pondering what would it feel like to fry my brain on shrooms and spend the next day writing and sketching what exactly it was I thought I saw or to go out drinking on Friday night and not stop till three hours before work on Monday morning again or drop some E and join a massage train? Actually, I know that a night like that now would probably suck some big fat donkey balls because I feels so freaking old now - I would probably wake up the next morning feeling terrible or dead but I still can't stop myself from thinking that it sounds good right now or remembering how fun life used to be when it was all about sex, drugs and music. Is it just me or is the party over? Is all I have to look forward to now is a mortgage payment now that I am on the responsible, dependable adult path of life? Am I having some sort of before-a-mid-life-crisis crisis?
I know it is stupid - our life was really reckless and crazy once upon a time and I am pretty sure I don't want that in my life again especially with children of my own. My life just feels void of excitement lately - I work all day leaving at 6AM and getting lucky if I am home before 8PM; I can't even go skydiving on the weekend anymore, shit I can't even get go get lost in Italy because my car is broke down. My excitement now-a-days comes from completing one of my classes or downloading an episode of a TV show or finding a video I like on YouTube or getting lost in my writing. How fucking lame, right? I am probably just suffering from the effects of my fish bowl complex...I don't know WTF is up with me but I do know that all work and no play is starting to wear me down though. I guess I should just be thankful that my life is what is now and get the fuck over myself. I made the choice, I put all the time, effort and hard-work into making my life as boring and balanced as it is now so I am not really sure why I am complaining. It is just Saturday nights used to be much more fun than spending the day doing homework and cleaning the house.
Dear Diary,
Lovin' me some cheese & tomato sandwiches right now. Other than that my kids are both sick, my Mom is getting a little crazier (still no meds) - not sure what to do about that one, my husband is quitting smoking (I hate to admit it but he is a better man than I because as I am typing away I am puffing away too), probably won't have my tax return back before we head back to the states in Feb (which means we will have to (1) drive down to FL - which doesn't sound fun (2) skip FL - which doesn't sound like fun), and my car is still broke down so we're stuck on post still developing fish bowl complexes as we speak.
On a good note though I am trying to learn Italian, I am going to start working on a BFA in what I want to do (even if I won't end up a millionaire or be able to find a "good" job after the military), my daughter's birthday party is next SAT, my little brother still thinks I am cool enough to ask advise about stuff, and I don't feel like a train hit my body today.
Going to web surf and find something that makes me smile or makes me think and then I am going to work on my Rosetta Stone and then watch supernatural and smallville cuz that is just the type of geek I am =-)
Guess not - I can't even geek out cuz it is all re-runs :-( But vampire diaries and gossip girl is on so it's not too bad. Spending another quiet Sat. home (and babysitting so that other people may go out and have a life). *Sign* - when did we get so boring? When did we become the "dependable" babysitters? Maybe it was the military or having children of my own...maybe it's cuz we're stuck in this country that we don't know, surrounded by people not really worth the invitation for all the extra drama...I dunno, what exactly happened but gone are the days that were. We don't even really drink anymore on the weekends either. Yup, that is how boring we really are.
I kind of miss the HI days - camping on the beach, getting stupid drunk with good friends (shit that was only like nine months ago but it feels like forever ago). Lately, I have been missing the days before I had my children more and more. I keep wondering what a little bump or some e or a coca puff would feel like and I haven't had thoughts about anything like that in over six years (well with the exception of marijuana-I used to be the biggest pothead so every now and again-especially since I joined the military- I will find myself wishing that I could just smoke a fat doubee and eat a chocolate-peanut-butter parfait and just watch the cartoon network). I dropped it all though and walked away without even a second thought (except with pot - ever since I went all straight and narrow I have always missed my ganja but nothing else).
Now, I sit here pondering what would it feel like to fry my brain on shrooms and spend the next day writing and sketching what exactly it was I thought I saw or to go out drinking on Friday night and not stop till three hours before work on Monday morning again or drop some E and join a massage train? Actually, I know that a night like that now would probably suck some big fat donkey balls because I feels so freaking old now - I would probably wake up the next morning feeling terrible or dead but I still can't stop myself from thinking that it sounds good right now or remembering how fun life used to be when it was all about sex, drugs and music. Is it just me or is the party over? Is all I have to look forward to now is a mortgage payment now that I am on the responsible, dependable adult path of life? Am I having some sort of before-a-mid-life-crisis crisis?
I know it is stupid - our life was really reckless and crazy once upon a time and I am pretty sure I don't want that in my life again especially with children of my own. My life just feels void of excitement lately - I work all day leaving at 6AM and getting lucky if I am home before 8PM; I can't even go skydiving on the weekend anymore, shit I can't even get go get lost in Italy because my car is broke down. My excitement now-a-days comes from completing one of my classes or downloading an episode of a TV show or finding a video I like on YouTube or getting lost in my writing. How fucking lame, right? I am probably just suffering from the effects of my fish bowl complex...I don't know WTF is up with me but I do know that all work and no play is starting to wear me down though. I guess I should just be thankful that my life is what is now and get the fuck over myself. I made the choice, I put all the time, effort and hard-work into making my life as boring and balanced as it is now so I am not really sure why I am complaining. It is just Saturday nights used to be much more fun than spending the day doing homework and cleaning the house.
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